girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
