I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
