Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
