I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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