I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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