eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.