My pussy is not your playground.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
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she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
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I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."