wrigley field is MILF paradise
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I intend to get homeless drunk
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"