Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
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Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.