don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This is the high leading the old right now
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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