i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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