so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
