I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I stole a fireplace last night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
