I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
