i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
