Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
