No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
