Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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