She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
