I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize