he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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