There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
