Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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