I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
