i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
May the power of my ass compel you!!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize