She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
