Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
