dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
