Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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