go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
