I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
