My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I understand Curling. That high.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
