I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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