i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is that strawberry winking at me??
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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