omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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