that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
