its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize