The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
