Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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