Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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