The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
