they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
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The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
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I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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