people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
