so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
