Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
