If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
