trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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