I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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