No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
