I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
