I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
