What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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