I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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