Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
