I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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