We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
