I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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