just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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