Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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