America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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