no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
