Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
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If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
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Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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